Something occurred to me this weekend. I think I might possibly be unintentionally glamorizing my Divorce. I think my Facebook posts about all of the crazy mud runs, night clubs, casinos, concerts, and other escapades are painting a story that's really not true, and I wanted to set the record straight.
Divorce is ugly. And Divorce with kids involved is a nightmare I can't even put into words. This year on Thanksgiving, I will be eating dinner without my kids. They are 3, 5 and 7 and they will not share Thanksgiving dinner with their mother. Last year, I spent Christmas day in tears, because my kids weren't there to share it with me. I miss family events at school on nights when I don't have custody.
I have 3 sweet, beautiful little children who mean the world to me, but I miss out on 40% of their life. I don't get to tuck them in every night and I don't get to be a part of their every day life. I feel like I've failed them because I couldn't keep my marriage together.
Divorce, and mainly just not having my kids with me every day is an ugly nightmare from which I'll never wake up. So, what do I do when they're not with me? How do I avoid the sickening feeling I get when I am at my house by myself without my kids and missing them like crazy? I do all of the things I didn't have time to do when I was with my kids full time - all of the things I dreamed of doing when I was with my kids 24/7 and felt like I had zero time for myself.
I run in races, I climb mountains, I run through fire, I go out to clubs, and I act like I'm in my 20's again. On Facebook, you see the muddy pictures, the restaurants, concerts and trips. But, you don't see the tears hiding behind my smiling face. Every bit of the jet-setting lifestyle I share with my Facebook friends is really just a coping mechanism for the loss I feel when I'm without my kids.
Those of you who don't know me well only see the little clips of my life that I choose to expose to the online world. I only share the ugly parts of my feelings with my circle of Divorced friends, because there's no way anyone could possibly fathom what it's like, unless they've been through it themselves. And I also don't want to bring anyone down.
I could wallow in sadness about what I've lost, or I can consciously choose to focus on whatever good I can pull from this experience. I post about the good things, and I choose to focus on the good things, make the most of my "me time," and learn to accept the bad things instead of letting them bring me down (at least when I can - I'm not always good at it).
I recently told a friend that Divorce is a horrible nightmare that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. She was talking about my "new life" and how amazing it seemed, and I think she was a little jealous. It's understandable. She's a full time mom with close to zero "me time," and the grass looks so much greener over on my side of the world. What she doesn't realize is that I'd give it all up in a heartbeat to have my kids with me all of the time.
The grass isn't greener on the other side. The only way to get green grass is to do your best to water your own.
You have the right to fight for your child's custody. As the mother, you should have the chance to spend quality time with them. I know it's hard to deal with the process of divorce, but I hope you fight for your right. :)
ReplyDeleteDavid Turner @ DivorceAttorneyJax.com
I agree with David. You might have difficulty in making friends with your ex-husband, but you don't have to stay away from your kids. You have the right to see them as their mother. I'm sure your lawyer can do something about that. It can be a tough process, but I’m sure your love for the kids will help your surpass the process. :)
ReplyDelete@KenPhillipSLaw.com